If you are reading this, let me start by sending you a virtual hug.
We have all been there. It’s 10:00 AM, the breakfast is on the floor, the toys are scattered like a minefield, and your sweet, adorable two-year-old is currently melting down because you gave them the blue cup instead of the red one.
Parenting a toddler is a beautiful, messy, and exhausting journey. It is a season of life filled with sticky hugs and big emotions. If you have ever felt overwhelmed or unsure of how to handle the chaos without losing your cool, you are not alone.
I want to share something that changed my entire perspective on these difficult moments: Positive Parenting.
It isn’t about being perfect. It isn’t about never getting frustrated. It’s about building a relationship with your child based on mutual respect and understanding. Let’s dive into some positive parenting tips for toddlers that have truly helped me navigate these stormy yet magical years.
What is Positive Parenting?
Before we get to the tips, let’s clear up a common myth. Positive parenting (often called gentle parenting) is not “permissive” parenting. It doesn’t mean you let your child do whatever they want.
In my experience, it is quite the opposite. It is about setting firm, healthy boundaries but enforcing them with empathy rather than fear. It’s the difference between saying, “Stop crying or I’ll give you something to cry about,” and saying, “I know you are sad we have to leave the park. It’s okay to be sad, but we still have to go.”
The goal isn’t just to stop the behavior in the moment, but to teach our little ones the skills they need to handle their big feelings in the future.
Understanding the “Toddler Brain”
One thing that helped me immensely was realizing that toddlers aren’t giving us a hard time; they are having a hard time.
Toddlers are driven by impulse and emotion. The part of their brain responsible for logic and self-control (the prefrontal cortex) is still very much under construction. When they throw a tantrum, it’s not a calculated attack on your patience—it’s a system overload.
Keeping this in mind helps us switch our mindset from “punishment” to “guidance.”
7 Simple Positive Parenting Tips for Toddlers
Here are a few strategies that have been lifesavers in my home.
1. Connection Before Correction
This is my golden rule. When tensions are high, our instinct is often to correct the behavior immediately. “Stop hitting!” or “Don’t throw that!”
However, a dysregulated child cannot learn. Before you correct them, try to connect. Get down on their eye level. Soften your voice. A simple touch on the shoulder or a hug can calm their nervous system enough for them to actually hear you. Once they are calm, then you can explain why we don’t hit or throw.
2. Validate Their Feelings (Even the Irrational Ones)
To us adults, crying over a broken cracker seems silly. To a toddler, it is a tragedy.
Dismissing their feelings (“Don’t be silly, it’s just a cracker”) often makes the tantrum worse because they feel unheard. Instead, try validating the emotion: “You really wanted that cracker to be whole. You are frustrated it broke. I hear you.”
You’d be amazed at how often a child simply stops crying once they feel understood.
3. “No” vs. “Yes” Phrasing
Constantly hearing “No,” “Don’t,” and “Stop” can be discouraging for a toddler (and exhausting for us!). Try flipping the script to tell them what they can do.
- Instead of: “Don’t run!” → Try: “Please use your walking feet.”
- Instead of: “Don’t hit the dog!” → Try: “Gentle hands with the puppy.”
- Instead of: “Stop shouting!” → Try: “Use your inside voice, please.”
4. Offer Choices, Not Ultimatums
Toddlers crave power because they have control over almost nothing in their lives. We pick their clothes, their food, and their bedtime. Giving them small, controlled choices can prevent so many power struggles.
Instead of saying, “Get dressed now,” try: “Do you want to wear the dinosaur shirt or the stripey shirt?” They feel in control, but you are still getting the result you want (them getting dressed).
5. Create “Yes” Spaces
If you find yourself constantly saying “no” because your toddler is touching breakable things, it might be time to change the environment rather than the child.
Create areas in your home where they can explore freely without being corrected. A “Yes” space is safe, child-proofed, and full of things they are allowed to touch. It gives you a break from supervising every second and gives them the freedom they crave.
6. Time-In Instead of Time-Out
Traditional time-outs can sometimes make a child feel isolated when they are struggling the most. A “Time-In” involves sitting with your child while they calm down.
You are saying, “I’m not going to leave you alone with these big, scary feelings. I’m here to help you regulate.” It builds trust and teaches them that your love isn’t conditional on their behavior.
7. Catch Them Being Good
It is so easy to focus on the bad behaviors. But positive reinforcement is powerful. When you see your toddler doing something right, make a big deal out of it!
“I saw you sharing your truck with your brother. That was so kind of you!” “Thank you for putting your shoes on the first time I asked. That was very helpful.” What we give attention to grows.
Be Gentle with Yourself
Finally, the most important tip of all: Forgive yourself.
You will lose your temper. You will yell. You will have days where you rely on screen time more than you’d like. That is okay. You are human.
Positive parenting isn’t about perfection; it’s about repair. If you have a bad moment, apologize to your toddler. “Mommy lost her temper earlier and I yelled. I’m sorry. I’m going to try to take deep breaths next time.”
This models humility and shows them that everyone makes mistakes, but we can always try again.
Conclusion
Embracing these positive parenting tips has brought so much more peace to my home. It hasn’t made the tantrums disappear completely, but it has changed how we handle them. It has turned conflicts into opportunities for connection.
Remember, the days are long, but the years are short. You are doing a wonderful job.
Let’s Chat!
I would love to hear from you in the comments below:
- Which of these tips do you find hardest to practice?
- Do you have a “go-to” trick for calming a toddler tantrum?
- How do you manage your own stress when your toddler is having a hard day?
Share your thoughts and let’s support each other on this journey!
